...and only by sharing can we understand loveHave you ever told someone that you love him or her? Has anyone ever told you this? What did you mean by the statement "I Love You"? And, what do you think the other person meant? We can love people who mean a lot to us: our parents, our siblings, our relatives, our close friends, our spouse, etc. To those who are loved, the message is, I find you to be a worthwhile person. We often express love in different ways. Besides verbally, we might express it by doing special things for our loved ones, like bringing them their favorite food, accompanying them to buy clothes, or writing them letters, poems, or perhaps songs.
My Level Of Maturity Counts
My Level Of Maturity Counts
The type of love we have for other is closely associated with the level of maturity we are at when we love. The more mature we are, the higher level type of love we'll have.
Low Level Type Of LoveThe low level type of love occurs when we...*are intensely absorbed with the other person. We love with exaggerated attachment to the person: I'd rather die than live without you. Stress and tension are often produced. A certain amount of ambivalence, then is likely to enter the relationship. It is when love and hate collide: I can't live without him and I can't live with him either. This style of loving is more like an addiction rather than love, where our emotions are ruled by the other person's action: When you treat me like a queen, I feel ecstatic like being in heaven, but when you ignore me, I feel depressed like being in hell, I can't imagine how my life would be if you ever leave me. The message is: I love you because I depend on you (to make me feel worthwhile).
*exploit the other person in order to satisfy our personal needs. Our real concern for the other person's welfare is in question. We are likely to be enthusiastic in loving only whene things suit our personal needs: ...oh honey, how sweet of you doing such a nice thing for me. I love you so much. I'll be everything you need... But when we see that there's no chance to fulfill our needs our enthusiasm (in loving) decreases either gradually or drastically: ...Can't you hurry up? Why take so long? I'm getting tired and I've got lots to do! We also often claim that we are concerned for the other person while we actually are concerned for the other person while we actually are concerned for ourselves. For example, using love as an excuse, we demand the other person to do what we think he or she should do without being concerned about what he or she think and feels. Here, our focus is not really on the other person's welfare, but more on the positive feelings we'll experience if the person meets our standarts.This is reflected in the way we force the person to do things our way, and our hurtful reaction to the person when he or she fails to do what we want: Why do you wear that silly yellow dress? I told you that your complexion doesn't match that color at all! I love you and only want what's good for you, but you never seem to listen to me! Great! Now everybody's gonna laugh at us! We love with conditions: I'll treat you lovingly if you.... Here, the message is clear: I love you because I need you (to help me fulfill my personal needs).
*exploit the other person in order to satisfy our personal needs. Our real concern for the other person's welfare is in question. We are likely to be enthusiastic in loving only whene things suit our personal needs: ...oh honey, how sweet of you doing such a nice thing for me. I love you so much. I'll be everything you need... But when we see that there's no chance to fulfill our needs our enthusiasm (in loving) decreases either gradually or drastically: ...Can't you hurry up? Why take so long? I'm getting tired and I've got lots to do! We also often claim that we are concerned for the other person while we actually are concerned for the other person while we actually are concerned for ourselves. For example, using love as an excuse, we demand the other person to do what we think he or she should do without being concerned about what he or she think and feels. Here, our focus is not really on the other person's welfare, but more on the positive feelings we'll experience if the person meets our standarts.This is reflected in the way we force the person to do things our way, and our hurtful reaction to the person when he or she fails to do what we want: Why do you wear that silly yellow dress? I told you that your complexion doesn't match that color at all! I love you and only want what's good for you, but you never seem to listen to me! Great! Now everybody's gonna laugh at us! We love with conditions: I'll treat you lovingly if you.... Here, the message is clear: I love you because I need you (to help me fulfill my personal needs).
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